Little girl: _ Please drink your tea, Mr Williams. I want to watch you.
Mr Williams: _ Of course my dear,but why?
little girl: _ Because Mummy says you drink like a fish.
_ What is the longest word in english? _ I don't know!
_ "Smiles", because there is a mile between the first and the last letter!!!
(A mother to her son, after the sixth piece of cake)
_ Tom! you are a glutton.How can you eat so much?
_ I don't know, it's just good luck!
A nervous passenger
_ I'm scared of the water_ Don'y be silly, people never drown in these waters.
_ Are you sure, young man?_ Of course I am, the sharks never let anybody drown.
Mother: _ My son's a doctor of philosophy.
Neighbour: _ Oh good, what kind of illness is "philosophy"?
At the concert
_ This piece is a symphony by Mozart. _ I suppose it is something new.
_ What! don't you know that Mozart is dead?
_ Excuse me, I never read the papers.
_ He never talks to me.
_ Don't ever say that! Say: he always talks to other people.
_ Can you lend me five pounds?
_ But I don't know you!
_ That's exactly why i'm asking you!!
Teacher: _ Jane, why do you always come to school with dirty hands?
Jane: _ Well, miss, I haven't got any others.
_ Jack, I'm freezing, close the window! it's cold outside.
_ You want me to get out of bed and close the window! but if I do, it won't be warm outside.
When Mrs Davis told her husband that guests were coming to dinner that night, he went out into the hall and hid all the umbrellas.
_ What's the matter? asked his wife, are you afraid someone will steal them?
_ It' not that, replied her husband, but I'm afraid someone might recognise them!
The park-keepeer walked up to a tramp who was sleeping on a bench in Green Park.
_ Hey! you! he shouted, I'm going to shut the park gates!
_ Alright, replied the tramp, try not to slam them.
A Rolls Riyce stopped in front of Harrrods and a lady in a fur coat and diamond necklace got out .
A tramp ran up to her and said: Please, lady, I haven't eaten for a week!
_ Well, you have to force yourself! was the reply.
_ I forgot my wife's berthday _ What did she say?
_ Nothing! _ That's alright then.
_ Yes, nothing...for three weeks!!!
Mrs Thomas and Mrs Jones met in the shopping-centre.
Mrs Jones was pushing a pram with her two little boys inside.
_ Good morning Mrs jones, what beautiful children! Tell me, how old are they?
_ Well, said Mrs Jones, the doctor is two and the lawyer is three!!!
_ Listen,Tommy, if you promide never to say that rude word again, I will give you ten pence.
_ Oh, I know another that is worth at least fifty pence!
Confirmed bachelor: _ Believe me, all women are silly; I have only met one intelligent woman in my whole life.
_ Why didn't you marry her then?
_ I asked her, but she refused me!